Early in life, my mom made me feel unaccomplished…
When I was growing up, my mom said a lot of nice things to me. I remember her telling me that she loved me and would always be there for me. But those words felt empty because she never seemed to mean them. She told me I was smart and creative, but those same compliments left me feeling like they were lies.
She insisted that I would find love and be happy in life. But instead of believing her words, I questioned whether her intent was truly pure or if she just wanted to see herself as having done good things for her daughter. She said that she trusted me with secrets and decisions on my own. Yet when I tried to assert myself as an independent person who made choices for myself rather than relying solely on others for help (and money), it only made her distrust of me more apparent over time. Especially since alcoholism runs in our family! Here is How Early in life, my mom made me feel unaccomplished.
She said that I was smart, but I questioned whether she really meant it.
As a young child, my mother told me that I was smart. I questioned whether this was an actual statement or just something she said to make me feel good about myself.
She told me I was creative, but I never felt like anything I did was good enough.
My mom was a great cook and baker, but she never showed any interest in my art. She would ask me about my life and dreams, but she didn’t ask me about my hobbies.
It was only when I left home at age 16 that I learned how much my mother had really wanted to be a parent. This wasn’t until then that I realized how much she had sacrificed for me. It made me feel completely inadequate as a person because there was so much more she could have done with her life if only she had tried!
She insisted that I was a hard worker, yet I doubted my own abilities.
As a child, I was afraid of asking for help. I didn’t want to appear weak or incompetent; so I kept my work as simple and straightforward as possible. But this approach would have been more effective if it hadn’t been so passive. I didn’t take risks and was reluctant to ask for help when I needed it most.
It all started when my mom insisted that I was a hard worker (as she always did). Yet, here again, her words rang hollow in my ears: “When you finish your homework tonight, come downstairs and tell me how hard you worked.” Her praise felt like empty platitudes meant only to make her look good in front of others—and they were!
She insisted that I would find love, but the more she said it, the less certain I felt about finding a partner.
It’s a simple fact that we all need love. But I don’t believe that you need to find it in order to be happy. As long as your goals and values are aligned, then being single or in a relationship is all about finding the right person for you—not the other way around.
My mom made me feel unaccomplished for not being married by my early twenties. But she also made me feel like her daughter was missing out on some sort of life goal. If only she could find someone who would love her forever, then everything would fall into place! This can be frustrating because it makes us think there’s something wrong with us if we don’t have this magical thing called “love” happening between two people who may not even want each other anymore anyway!
She told me she could trust me to keep secrets and make choices on my own, but my attempts to assert myself only made her distrust me more.
You may be wondering, “Why would a parent do such a thing?” Well, it was during my mother’s addiction that she began to see me as an adversary. She tried to control me in every way possible—from making me eat when I didn’t want to and forcing me into activities that weren’t enjoyable for either of us (like going on vacation with family members), all the way down to not allowing me make my own choices about what music I listened too or even whether or not I wanted chocolate milk after school.
My mom was also prone to lying! She said things like “I’m not hiding anything from you” when really she was just lying about the fact that she had been drinking again (which wasn’t something anyone would’ve noticed). This made it difficult for our relationship because whenever something bad happened between us there wasn’t much room for discussion because everything was either secreted away by deception or outright lies—and both things were toxic!
She said she wanted me to have confidence in myself and be happy, but I couldn’t help feeling like disappointing her.
You see, my mother was an alcoholic. She had a drinking problem and was abusive to my brother and me when we were growing up.
She began drinking at 14 years old and by 16, she had already been arrested for DUI twice. Then later on she go to have another 17 DUIs before turning 18 years old. And all of these arrests happened in the span of just three years!
My mom also suffered from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) which means that she felt like everything around her needed constant attention from her own personal achievements as well as praise from others around them who may want their own share too! This meant that even though she didn’t want us, kids, around much during those times when she was drunk or high; if something came up where someone mentioned how proud they were of herself then suddenly everyone else would start praising her too!
This is what happened when my mother complimented me on growing up with an abusive alcoholic father. A father who stole money from my family. He slammed his fist into our home’s walls when he lost his temper or drank too much beer.
My mother’s compliments made me feel unaccomplished and unworthy. They made me doubt my abilities, and lower my self-esteem. I started to believe that I was not good enough to be loved by anyone.
My mother’s compliments were not just about how much she thought of me. They were about how much she thought of other people who complimented her in return. She would say things like “I love your new shoes! Look at the way they match your outfit!” or “These earrings are so pretty! And they go with everything! You should get another pair like them soon!”. This behavior taught me to always give back what others give us even if we don’t want it (or even know how). This behavior also taught me that people value our possessions more than we do ourselves—and if those possessions aren’t valuable enough for someone else then why should we care?
I wish my mother had been more honest with me about her life, instead of telling me what I wanted to hear. If she had told me the truth and how much it hurt her when I would cry because I didn’t like something she did or felt like she didn’t love me as much as she should have, maybe then I could have been more supportive for her. My mom also shouldn’t have relied on my dad so much to take care of us financially because he couldn’t handle being responsible for anything else aside from drinking alcohol every night and hitting walls with his fists when he lost control over himself by getting drunk off his ass.
Read More 45 Things You Probably Didn’t Know